I have unfortunately and regrettably reached the age where people around me (parents, aunts, uncles, friends??) seem to have ganged up together against me in promoting an instution that until about a year ago has always somewhat taken a back seat in conversations, and barely approached save for the occasional "so when?" The thing is, these people are all under the impression that you will be happy only if you have someone by your side without giving a thought about what actually will make you happy.
It is with a certain degree of horror that I suddenly find relatives(?) I've never even spoken to (or even knew of, for that matter) asking my parents about my existence (which is so weird... how did they even know I existed, and where were they when I was doing my family tree project for school?) because they happen to know 'ahem' some nice people around my age.
Two days ago, I went for lunch with a work friend, and as we were going back to the workplace she suddenly blurted out about how she knows someone who is looking for a girl and would I be interested in being introduced?
I gave a small laugh and felt like a mouse cornered by a dozen cats (mainly because I was in her car). She continued with a brief description of the guy. At the end of it, I found a loophole; she said he was spiritual, and that's not something I particularly like in a person! Phew....
Anyway, this short exchange led me to recollect another incident that happened quite awhile ago, and since I'm not so troubled about it anymore, I thought I'd share it here, because now I think it's funny. Or perhaps my funny bone is truly damaged...
So, earlier this year, I got into an exchange of phone messages with an old friend of mine whom I haven't heard from for quite a bit in an otherwise uneventful afternoon. (Can't remember the exact words, but what's typed out here gives a gist of what transpired, and as usual I have added my thoughts in parentheses)
Friend: Hi terra. This may sound weird, but i just want to know if you're seeing anyone. Are your parents looking for anyone for you? Please reply :-) (Oh, and she adds a smiley! With a nose...)
Me: Hey (friend's name) How are you? Well, I'm not seeing anyone right now, and as for the parents, I'm not really sure. Hehehe.. your message almost made me have a heart attack! (I pretend to laugh in spite of myself...I could've written more, but I was too lazy to type)
Friend: Sorry bout that. My aunt saw your photo in my wedding album and has been asking about you eversince. Is it ok if I pass them your parents number? (Oh wow!I haven't seen that photo before, and since I'm not particularly photogenic can I have a copy???)
Friend: If you're not ok pls let me know. Sorry ok. Oh, I'm ok.
Me: I have to ask my parents first. Is it alright if I message you another day? (in a state of complete panic, I give that sorry excuse of an excuse. My parents might've been delighted, actually... sigh)
And to make things even worse, she actually informed me that her cousin is ok looking and is in a good job. (Fine, that's not really such a bad thing, but I thought it was too much to handle then, in fact I have doubts as to whether I can handle it at all, even like say 5 years from now!)
The truth is, I had written a rigmarole which would make this post twice (or maybe even more) as long as what it is now, but reading it again makes me feel terribly silly... not that I have anything against silliness. But I feel that this post shall end here :)
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You're not photogenic? Pssh! I think you're very pretty!
ReplyDeleteNow, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you're in a Muslim/Hindu culture? Forgive my ignorance, but it makes complete sense if that is true.
Oh... about 70% of the photos turn out strange in some way or another. Of course the ones you and others have seen are those in the other 30%. But still, it's nice to know that you think I'm pretty. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYes, you guessed right there... and if I'm not mistaken, the trend remains regardless of where they're settled. You seem to have quite a good understanding of the cultural diversity of people... That's really cool :)
Sometimes I wish my family and friends would be more proactive in setting me up with eligible people... but then I think about it for about 10 seconds and I think it would be an awful idea.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about commitmentphobes is (I think you and me count as commitmentphobes by the way - hope you don't mind this!) sometimes its just about finding the right person, and then everything slots into place... well for the most part... at least enough to make you not want to run away screaming every minute.... or so I hear.
Interesting post. I expected this sooner or later :) You do come from a rather closely-knit family, and they each want some sort of hand in your life. I think that can be nice to some extent as long as they know their boundaries.
ReplyDeleteLook at the positive side: You get to meet more people, and probably have a good laugh if it doesn't work out.
What is wrong with "spiritual"? Religious I can see, but spiritual...? I suppose one could be against that if that connoted recitation of mantras or some other strange quasi-bobo activity. That being said, I somewhat understand your misgivings about marriage in general.
ReplyDeleteDisclosure: I am in a wonderful relationship, but not because I think I have to be. It's because I just happened to find someone.
ReplyDeleteOf course I come from a completely different culture...my response to anyone who asks me about my personal relationships is "butt out and mind your own business".
Yes...I have said that to family.
I subscribe to the theory that you'll find someone if and when you are ready to find someone, and not a moment before.
aunty: It's an okay thing only if they know both you and whomever they are introducing you to very well, otherwise it will be awkward. Anyway, The thing about commitmentphobes is (I think you and me count as commitmentphobes by the way - hope you don't mind this!) sometimes its just about finding the right person, and then everything slots into place... well for the most part... at least enough to make you not want to run away screaming every minute.... or so I hear. what you said here is so close to my thoughts on it as well.
ReplyDeleteanita: hehehe... I guess it's also because i'm the only one who is of age right now. The other cousins are a wee bit young. I know there's no harm in it, but it's a terribly nervewrecking thought. I think I'm more against the way it's done.
cyberfish: Yes, I get your point. There might be some difference in the usage of the word spiritual. However, I've met several self professed 'spiritual' people a few years ago, and I never really liked them because they were always asking questions about how you live your life and your beliefs and other stuff which I think are personal.
ReplyDeleteI'm not totally against marriage per se... It's just that I think it's not fair when 2 people are thrown together with hopes that something will come out of it.
travis: I subscribe to the theory that you'll find someone if and when you are ready to find someone, and not a moment before.
I'm gonna use this the next time they start talking