It is a known fact that a certain number of babies are born every minute somewhere in this world, and there are also a certain number of people who kick the bucket every other minute, so there is supposed to be a certain balance, right? However, it feels as though the world is suddenly very very crowded for no apparent reason.
I have a question to ask... if someone (a friend for instance) asks you how you are after a long time of not meeting each other, and your meeting is a brief one, an encounter at the bank or something. What do you say? Do you assume the question to be a rhetorical one, give a smile and say you're fine and ask them how they are, although deep down inside you feel like wielding a sword on a high speed horse and take the heads off ever person that gets in your way?
I can't say why, but when I get this question, I automatically say everything's allright although a part of me wants to say, "No, I'm not allright. Can I cry on your shoulder, please?"
I had a one on one meeting with the Asst Mgr end of last week during the end of the year appraisal, and she being a friend as well (she was an engineer as well until somewhere in the middle of the year where she got promoted) told me something about me that was so true which is about me keeping problems to myself and taking all the burden, hence the continuous feeling of being overwhelmed over everything that happens. And then, there's also these bits and pieces of interesting conversations I've had with *the most open person in the world, which sort of made me realise that it's ok to tell things to people. Not much of a connection, I guess... and so
And yeah, although no one's asked, I feel like crap right now. I wish I could go through every single thing right now to ascertain the origin of the crappiness, but it's cleverly evading me like a fugitive evading his captor. The fact is I've been feeling crappy on and off ever since the short break I had. And surprisingly, all I want to do is break something. Or go somewhere really really quiet without me having to resort to threats of pulling someone's hair out. I don't know... I'm a bit miserable and I really don't know what to do. One thing's for sure is that it has nothing to do with work. Surprise, surprise...
Oh, well... after the long weekend, I'm finally back at work. It's a bit quiet today, which for me is a very good thing. Hopefully there are no problems we can't solve today. Anyway here are a few things
1. Many people at work actually had a haircut through the long weekend, which can give the conclusion that long weekends are used to get haircuts?
2. Could your car possibly hate you because you didn't wash it in like say over a few weeks? Yes, I believe so...
3. I should have been born a nocturnal creature - like a bat. I'm half blind, and I'd like to fly. Fits me to a tee.
4. And yet another post is born. Will December break the record?
1. Many people at work actually had a haircut through the long weekend, which can give the conclusion that long weekends are used to get haircuts?
2. Could your car possibly hate you because you didn't wash it in like say over a few weeks? Yes, I believe so...
3. I should have been born a nocturnal creature - like a bat. I'm half blind, and I'd like to fly. Fits me to a tee.
4. And yet another post is born. Will December break the record?
* to my knowledge
You find the time to break away from it all and I will take you all over this great city of mine. You can cry, laugh and scream all you want. Then go home and start all over again. Just know that that offer will always be there for you, no questions asked :)
ReplyDeleteYou're a good and bright person who does not deserve to feel the way you do now. I do indeed hope you find solace in something soon, and if you don't Sydney is only 6000km's away ;)
Yes, it's not a good idea to bottle up things, at the same time it's not good to share private things with all and sundry like me.:-( As for the "how are you?" question I agree it is more often than not, used to make polite conversation.
ReplyDeleteI think I know how you are feelin at this moment cos all of us do have ups and downs and I am in state at present where nothing seems to be moving ahead(neither on the personal front nor on the professional front). I need a break in addtion to all the problems I have and I am unable to get that either. I want to fleeeeee:(.
So chill, and learn to take things in your stride or rahter take life as it comes. I know it is easier said than done. Good luck!:)
Orhan: Reading your comment put a smile on my face. Seriously... Honestly, no one deserves the crap they have to go through in life. But it happens... I guess we just have to find ways to make things better. And thanks for everything:)
ReplyDeletePopsie: Yeah, talking about things helps to a certain extent even if temporarily. That said, i do hope you get your things sorted out as well.
hey you! I think its healthy to unburden yourself in an appropriate way, but I think the how are you question is one which people don't really want an answer to. If they did, they'd stop and chat and find out how you really were.
ReplyDeleteOn saying that I think you do need to find an outlet that is appropriate and useful. I went through a really crappy time earlier on this year and I went to counselling and it really helped me. Talking to friends can be good, but sometimes it just means you go round in circles. Having an impartial person who's got a lot of understanding about people can really help you address the problems that are making you feel this way.
I also have to say that having a professional tell you that you're an emotionally healthy person who's just going through a bad patch helps to stop some of the self-questioning (particularly the 'am I going insane?' questions). I know I was lucky to get a really good counsellor, but I really would recommend it. It definitely helps to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You can always email me and tell me the whole story if you want. The offer is always there.
When I was feeling pretty much how you are feeling now, my friends (true friends and not just so-called friends) took me someplace isolated and let me scream - something I can't do anywhere near home. So I let her rip with all my strength, with all I had in me at that time. It was a gut-wrenching scream. Even though it didn't solve my problem, man, did it feel ever so good.
ReplyDeleteGo to a true friend, Terra, and unburden. He or she will really help just by listening. :-)
Hope you feel better soon.
Aunty: I'm feeling much better today. I think your idea of finding an impartial person to speak to is very good, and if mental health was viewed more positively here, I'd do that in a jiffy. Oh, and thank you so much for the great advice and support :)
ReplyDeleteLizza: Screaming sounds good. In my case, I think just a good cry with a wad of tissues would do fine, my only problem being there's always people everywhere I go. Crying would be awkward and questions will be asked, for sure. I'm sure once I get some time on my own for a good cry, I'll be fine even if it's temporary. That said, I do feel better now after a very good conversation with someone :)
I'm back!! After a long hiatus, you'll get to read about me ranting about American politics.. much to your distress.. =P
ReplyDeleteSorry for not being around, but it looks like you've been busy..
PS. I need a haircut too.. -_-'
Good to see you back, Mike :)
ReplyDeletestrange.
ReplyDeletei just got a phone call from someone i have known for a very long time and when she asked me how am I doing, I said I am fine when i feel like crying.
why do we do that, even with the people we love and think that they would understand
Oh, I don't know... I guess breaking down kinds of shows a lack of strength to face life in the face?
ReplyDelete