RACONTEUR-ESQUE SCRIBBLINGS

Note: You might want to give this a miss if you're a guy. There is a time that comes around once a month, When a woman walks down a path, The pain endured is like no other, That the woman can only blame her father, For providing that wretched X chromosome, When Y would have been so much less troublesome, Because you see, when a cell dies, It goes down in a frenzy, all cries, It tears down endometrium walls, From all the grand halls, Violently, like an imp with claws, But it's not against the laws, What was once a womb, Suddenly feels like a tomb, While sometimes she just couldn't be bothered, At other times she's just annoyed, Because all the gore Can really get to be a bore, And again there's the pain, Which is simply quite plain, Oh, monthly woe You have stepped on my toe! Inspired by hormones, pain, and Tim Burton's Vincent.

You know that there are way too many look-alikes in your work place when you accidentally congratulate the wrong person on getting married just because they happen to have the same hairstyle as the person who actually got married. And the most amusing part of the whole story? The man who was congratulated already has a wife and kid. Oh yes... people actually tell me stuff like these over brunch ;)

The rain threw cats and dogs all over us without so much as a warning, and although we were safely in a car, vision was pretty bad, making us go slow while the wipers worked overtime. A few minutes later we were safe in our aunt's house, or so we thought. Hardly 10 minutes after parking the car, the water levels rose to the point that water threatened to enter the house from the front. The lane at the back looked like a river and and a whole jim bang (edit: jing-bang) of creepy crawlies came up to breathe. It was odd watching the 'river' through the wire mesh at my aunt's kitchen door. Cockroaches of all shapes and sizes adorned the pink walls of one of the houses opposite as the water level rose. A creepy looking centipede climbed the wall stealthily to enter a crevice in the pink walled window, while a wet rat the size of cat stood on a flower pot, drying itself, preening. Iguanas swam around, tongues darting throwing the cockroaches off the wall into the water which...

"Have I gone mad?" "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are" Saturday morning saw three of us traipsing along the 2nd floor of the mall headed towards the darkened walls of the cineplex, where we were supposed to watch Alice in Wonderland, a well loved child's tale, brought to life to tease your visual and auditory senses with colour, strange characters and well spoken lines. It was never part of the plan (I had reserved my very limited movie watching for Thundercats), but with the knowledge that it was directed by Tim Burton, and had Helena Bonham Carter AND Johnny Depp as part of the cast, it would be crazy to give it a miss for any reason unless you're physically incapable of going to the theatres or dead. It has been said that the movie was below expectation (what kind?), but I beg to differ. I found it enjoyable, and the characters endearing, especially the Red Queen (HBC), who despite he...

Who knew Tabasco sauce could work wonders with leftover briyani? Now you know... Firstly, you need some leftover briyani rice (best if you use balance rice from lunch for dinner if you don't want to spend hours in a cramped room with lots of toilet paper the next day) To allow the fragrance of the rice to emanate around and make your neighbours jealous, heat it up for two minutes, on medium heat in the microwave oven. At the same time, cook some sausages (once again, this depends on how hungry you are and how many sausages you have at your disposal) in a wok sans oil on low heat. This will ensure that the smell wafts out of your kitchen window right into the neighbours house. You will be certain of this when you hear their cat meow. If they have a cat, that is. Other than that, the low heat, long cooking ensures the sausage is well cooked and piping hot. Serve the rice with the sausage(s) and with any other vegetables you have, if you're into that balanced diet thingy. If...

She used to frighten the hell out of us with her somewhat forceful demeanor, loud voice and sharp eyes that caught even the slightest indication of mischief in the making. 18 years later, after a *strange dream of directing a play in which an old friend of mine was the actor, I wake up to the realisation that she was probably one of the best teachers I ever had in my entire life. Miss Eliza was both my class and English teacher in Year 5 (Primary school - I was 11) and she was the kind of teacher who saw potential in you and made you see it for yourself as well, to the point where you'd even start doing things you never knew you could do. I remember the time she forced me to write a play (and act!!) for my class for an inter-class competition which we won eventually and after a few tweaks (addition of a few annoying characters and a dance sequence to Ice Ice Baby, yeah zOMG!), was used as a performance to entertain the parents on our annual prize giving ceremony day, or the time ...

How often do you find yourself being faced with a situation so ridiculous that you are torn between giving out one of those mad guffaws while one hand violently and repeatedly hits the thigh of the person sitting next to you or crying into your pillow like there is no tomorrow, or doing both at the same time? It must have been over a week ago when I was involuntarily held against my will at a short meeting, in which I and another colleague were informed that we were chosen to give training to a bunch of middle aged men who belonged to the most exclusive club in the automotive industry (the < insert name of notoriously popular car maker here> supplier's club) If you asked anyone in the industry, they'd tell you that it is indeed a big honour... especially me and my colleague (lets call him Ace, shall we?) being 'young guns' and all... I'm almost 30, and he's around 35. What they can't possibly imagine is how intimidating it would be for the likes...